There’s a plan for me
Dramatic destiny
Of whose eyes do see
Isn’t clear to me.

Is it the Universe
The vague cosmic Nurse
Pushing me head first
Into the wayward hearse?

Is it Nirvanic force
The still and silent horse
Promising soul divorce
If I ride its course?

Is it Nothingness
The non-tactile bliss
Giving me the diss
Of justice amiss?

Are they the gods afar
The pantheon of war
Some if I do ignore
Shall strike me lame and poor?

Is it the single Maker
The celestial baker
Whose homage few the taker
Leaving a globe of fakers?

Why are these eyes so distant
Not a pair insistent
Their stories inconsistent
Who shall pursue persistent?

Is there a presence nearer
Calling the falling hearer
Dissonant voice made clearer
‘Stead some vacuous terror?

Or could ever a man
Deliver such a plan
Taking my whole life’s span
From where it first began?

Couldn’t be less than general
To fight my plan from seminal
Couldn’t be less than sage
To orchestrate the age
Couldn’t be less than seer
Forecasting all my fear
Couldn’t be less than flawless
Making just the lawless
Couldn’t be less than rabbi
Teaching my tale better than I
Couldn’t be less than priest
Fixing each fragile piece
Couldn’t be less than king
Great might to do such thing.

But would he know the loss suffered
My hurt that’s not buffered
My shame that’s not covered
My joys undiscovered?

Would he respect the rejection
My miss of perfection
My hopeless direction
My endless reflection?

Would he have eyes like me
To see what I see
To get my grief and glee
My longing to be free

From this distant plan
From this unknown clan
Whose idols span
Over all the land?

And if he did would I
Have the guts to try
To follow this great guide
And have our souls abide

As he leads me forth
Into a life of worth
Going beyond this Earth
Into eternal mirth?

Behold, we present you the jester
A colorful character is he
Bursting forth in improvisation
Just sit back and savor what you see

Voila, there are eight contorted faces
A bulldog a jack and a mule
We’re astonished at this strange revelation
Making an ass of yourself was so cool.

Oh my, here’s an impersonation
Of an actor a maid and a prince
All jokers before it was way of of line
Yet we applaud with a chortle and a wince.

What on earth now the bastard is dancing
Each gesture is bawdy indeed
The tears fall down, in hysterics from this clown
Oh crap, would ya look, I have peed.

The comical comet exits the stage
Hear the praise of the king and his court
He retires to his quarters, brief relief from the orders,
‘Tis too quiet now for his sort.

His sanguine heart slows its thumping
A magnificent rush abruptly departs
Absent noise, that blessed distraction
Too still, too calm, too peaceful.

The universal lauding is a cruel drug
The last laugh trickles through his brain
Hushed into an unsatisfying memory
Agonized to relive it once more.

The court carries on making merry
While the jester weeps in the dark
Brutal irony was this last act of tragedy
Funniest man in the land cannot laugh.

**Personal Note: Like so many others, I was saddened by Robin Williams’ passing. His improvisational humor, impersonations, and absolutely unexpected comedy have greatly inspired my own attempts at humor in my life. While I have no insight to the depth of personal pain Mr. Williams lived through, I have a small understanding of the exhilarating nature of getting a laugh and longing for it again deeply, to the point of loneliness. Even the last laugh, it seems, is never good enough to satisfy a hungry soul. And so we mourn Mr. Williams.

Thinking back on what transpired
Ages passed and now retired
So much more was once desired
If only.

Should’ve risked a smidgen more
Could’ve missed an open door
Would’ve kissed the face of lore
If only.

Kept silent ‘stead of speaking
Spoke too soon ‘stead of keeping
The words within, now left repeating
If only.

Fears of all the deeds undone
Tears from all the seeds unsown
Years of life’s song seems unsung
If only.

But that isn’t what transpired
In past’s mud pit we are mired

Worried ’bout the door ’twas missed
Yet through another walked with bliss

All the times the words weren’t spoken
Kept not fate from being broken

Whether pressed forward or sat still
Not one action tweaked the will
Of the One who’s pleased to kill the words
If only.

Three men stood upon the shore
Pondering their being
Gazing at the vast beyond
Groping after meaning.

The young one cracked the silence
Inner thoughts came spewing forth
For deep inside he could not hide
His passionate plea for worth

“This sea that roars before me
I’m afraid I fail to love
Its all-consuming quality
Is a trait I’m jealous of

The crashing waves envelop round
Those who dare confront
Blue brilliant power buffets awe
Few daring absorb its brunt

If only I could, like the sea
Be great and not left wanting
Perhaps one day I’ll swallow it
And desiccate its haunting.”

The middle-aged one shook his head
He thought the notions foolish
Of the greenhorn, naïve before him
Who found lack of wealth so ghoulish.

“One can have it all my son,
With endless time to use it
Yet the awful deal you’ll always have
Is the fear that you may lose it.

This sea produces many treasures
Pearls and gold and life
Though nothing made within its waves
Can save you from your strife

If I only I could, like the sea
Never once be swallowed
Live forever unmolested
Immortal, Safe, and Hallowed.”

The old man shifted slowly
Peering out to endless depths
He’d choose his old words wisely
Precious now were his deep breaths

“I’ve had it all upon a time
Just like this water here
Many men I’ve ruled like ocean’s fury
From a castle, most secure.

The commodity most invaluable
That eludes me like a whale
Is for all the world to know me
Leave my mark, no fear of fail

For greater than the treasure
Much greater than assurance
Is knowing I’m forever known
In spite of history’s currents.

If only I could, like the sea,
Be remembered by all who live
My life would be worth something
It could end with naught to give.”

Suddenly they realized
A fourth man stood about
As he spoke the ocean stilled
His voice now held the clout

“I’ll give you everything,
I’ll adorn you with the best
I’ll secure your wealth, and your heart
With a plate upon your breast

Above all I will meet you,
Welcome you into my home,
We’ll forge our deep desires,
The endeavor to be Known.

But of course there is a cost,
The gift, it is not free
For to know the great Unknowable
Is to become a nobody.

For with me you must lose everything,
Leaving this world with nil

For with me I’ll promise nothing
I’m not safe, nor is your will

With me there is a chance perhaps,
You’ll fade and be obscure
And not one soul will know you
To be remembered is unsure.

If only you could, like the sea
Do that for which you’re made
At once your eyes would shift from self
All vain quests would soon fade.

For every dream you most admire
I’ll deliver if you trust
The secret to your hearts’ desires
Is to be Anonymous.”

End
How frightfully fast its coming
Halt
Now quiescent ‘twas just running
Black
Luminous eclipsed now dire
Still
Motionless upon the pyre

Grim
If there is no Master
Void
If no purpose in disaster
Blank
If our pages have no author
Nothing
If fresh life cannot be offered

But
A ray cracks through the tomb
And
The breath of life consumes
All
Whose darkness can’t forfend
Grace
A beginning with no end